I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
