I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
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i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
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the girl whose rug I peed on is here
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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