I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
