strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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