you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
