didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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