Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
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