Christians are straight up FREAKS
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
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And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
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He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
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