you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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