I cockslap morals
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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