what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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