He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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