Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
