I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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