I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
