Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
