I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Just high enough for therapy.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
