can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
