I wish you could order shots online.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
