were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Congratulations! We have a period
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