you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
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