Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize