I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
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