If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
