he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
