She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
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one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
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Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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