Cold hands, warm shart.
Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
