She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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