My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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