i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
