She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
