we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
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Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
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Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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