HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
