the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
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If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
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do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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