Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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