just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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