He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
that may or may not have been my penis.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
