i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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