your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I FOUND THE LEGS
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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