Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
