I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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