Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
