i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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