He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize