He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
