I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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