I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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