He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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