I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
