I'm going to jail i love you
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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