Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
