Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
