Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
