I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
