I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
