Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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