Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
