I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I touched a dick in church today
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
