You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
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