You smell like a Billy Joel song
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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