"it" just moved
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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