Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
